The 4-episode mini drama "We" released by British Broadcasting Corporation in September 2020 is not attractive to young people. It tells the story of an elderly couple who have been married for many years preparing to divorce. What caught my attention first was David Knicks, the editor of the drama, who is a well-known British editor and marketing writer. In 2011, the movie of the same name adapted from his novel "One" became the most eye-catching love movie of the summer of that year.
In "We", Connie and Douglas are a couple of 24 years married, with a 17-year-old son, Alby, who is about to go to college. The family lives in a house with a garden in the suburbs, which is a symbol of a happy family in the eyes of friends and neighbors. Especially as the children are about to go to college, the couple will soon welcome a careless and careless elderly life. Late one night, his wife Connie turned around and said to her sleeping husband Douglas, "I want to leave. I think our marriage has come to an end." Connie's temperament was so calm, just like talking about wanting to go to the market to buy a few steaks tomorrow morning. Douglas woke up from the dream and repeatedly asked what happened.
{99}Connie's reason was very rude: "When I imagined that we two spent life together without any matter, how empty it was every long night. I kept chanting a word in my brain - like a slug. This made my heart beat faster every time." The literary woman faced the science man's scene. Douglas, who has a low emotional intelligence, first reaction was that he suspected that Connie had fallen in love with someone else. In fact, nothing happened. They did not argue or domestic violence, nor did they intervene in a third party, and they lived for more than 20 years. Connie's words were like a stone falling into the water, causing ripples on the calm lake.
During the holiday before sending his son to college, Douglas strictly planned a family trip through six European countries. He wanted to use this to repair his relationship with Connie, which would have a conflict with his rebellious son. As a father of science, he argued that his son loved literature and arts, and even believed that he could not live a person by relying on photography and music. The plan during the trip is to check in to each online red scenic spot and brush 10,000 steps. Connie and Elby wanted to travel freely, in his strict logic, like an unintentional exploration of adventure. In his opinion, what was beyond the plan was a situation of out of control. In fact, Douglas does not have the shortcoming of instant collapse, but his relationship with the mother and son is hidden in these seemingly trivial details. "I'm for your own good" "Why don't you listen to me?" When faced with him, he often enters a role that wants to control the overall situation.
lenses flash back to the scene where Connie and Douglas met more than 20 years ago. Once, Connie was a popular female artist who loved paintings, and Douglas was a scientific researcher in the laboratory, and the values of the two people were very different. In real life, we often love people who are completely different from our own personalities. The "mutual attraction" in love is often an important reason for differences in marriage. In the second half of the story, the son runs away, Connie finishes her trip early and returns to the UK, Douglas starts her own "lost travel". This time, he could no longer travel according to his "program list". He lost his luggage and lived in the police station, and gradually accepted accidents, adventures, and encounters. He recalled the "like a slight" life that Connie was terrified of, and seemed to understand what she was saying. When the story reaches this point, the audience may imagine a wonderful ending - he finds his son to reconcile with him, returns to his wife, and the two grow old together in vain.
However, nothing happened. This is also the reason why this drama makes me very fond of. In the end, Connie and Douglas broke up peacefully. They spent the whole night organizing their memories of more than 20 years of living together. When they appeared again at the son's photography show, Connie wore a black suit that she wore when she was young and Douglas wore a lamp-core suit that she had been more than 20 years ago. They all became what they wanted to be. Connie can revive her literary dream that she had not completed in her youth, and Douglas can live his life with a sense of security. I am ultimately unwilling to be forced to deal with other people's changes. Finally, they asked and kissed each other like family, and gave up the burden of being together for the sake of responsibility.
From the topic, "We" is not the first TV series focusing on divorce for the elderly. As early as 2005, Japan filmed a similar Japanese drama "Diet in a Medieval Year". 15 years ago, this drama received a high yield of 18.7% as soon as it was broadcast. It can be seen that "divorce between mature people" has become a social phenomenon in Japan.
This is not only true in Japan, but the divorce rate of the elderly is on the rise, and this phenomenon is common all over the world. In Western society, they call this phenomenon the "silver hair divorce trend".
In 2019, according to the data from China's sixth census, the divorce rate of elderly people in China has doubled compared with 30 years ago, and Chinese people are ushering in a wave of divorce for the elderly. The 10 years after retirement are the high-development period for middle-aged and elderly people to divorce, and 2/3 of them are proposed by women. In "We", Connie said that it can explain why women account for a higher proportion of proposals for divorce among the elderly. "Since being a mother, I've become more and more versatile in this role, but as my children grow up, I began to feel a little different. I need some changes in my life, and my "work" is over."
As early as 2015, American socialist Susan Brown published a research report on divorce between middle-aged and elderly people, "The Gray Divorce Revolution", which she proposed: "Personalized marriage is more self-centered, and no one would separate personal interests from the role in marriage before.. "In the eyes of socialists, the increase in divorce rates among the elderly is actually a change in their marriage vision - as their children gradually grow up, they begin to reflect on the possibility of their own self-realization.
In "We", Connie did not clearly point out that she gave up her painting path for the sake of her family or children, but in a conciliatory way, family life made her deviate from the earliest path to pursue dreams as an independent woman. She and Douglas once had a daughter named Jane, but her daughter died unexpectedly, and Connie felt that she had lost the whole world. Later, in order to give his son Elby a better growth space, Douglas offered to change to a big house, and Connie lived in the suburbs far away from the city without hesitation.
This drama does not tell from Connie's female perspective, but instead projects the value difference that cannot be combined between husband and wife through the tight relationship between Douglas and the rebellious son. The son who loves arts is like Connie, the mother who doesn't trust secrets in that year. Of course, the weakened couple clashes have fewer many annoying stories that the audience likes and sees, but they are also more thought-provoking. You don't have to be frightened to announce the end of a marriage. Men and women in marriage relationships do not need to point out who are wrong with whom, just like the conversation about divorce in the opening episode: "Douglas, I think our marriage has come to an end." There is no complaint, anger, or regret, only some emotions are said to themselves, "Although I don't have the ability to spend the last days with you, I never regret marrying you at the beginning." This scene is a picture of the divorce world - the physical aspect and the ground is truly for yourself.
In Dongya society, when adult children learn that their elderly parents want to divorce, we often hear that it is so old, what are you losing? Similar moral strifes usually make the elderly say nothing, and the courage they finally plucks up faces huge challenges. "We" happens to answer this question. When Douglas finally found his son in Baxlonna, Spain, the son said, "I worry that you are disappointed in me." The father said, "You are living your own life." And vice versa.
After watching this drama, I transferred it to my mother. My mother retired this year and is experiencing her "mature age". Not all marriages can reach the end. What is more important than marriage itself is what you learned in marriage. If you can realize this at the age of 60, you will start your own self-rescue.
(Ding Ying/Excerpt from "Sanlian Life Weekly" No. 46, 2020, picture/Wang Qing)